Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
