i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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