I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
