the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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