I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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