Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize