I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize