the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
All I want is dick and wine.
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