I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
