and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Randomize
