my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
