I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
