Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
