can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
