I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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