ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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