i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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