if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
