Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
