A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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