It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
