I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
You need Xanax blowdarts
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
