My nipple is on Facebook.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
