to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
i've created a new STD.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
