I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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