I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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