he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
