maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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