I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
