i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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