): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
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