So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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