can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
