Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
