walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Randomize
