Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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