She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
