I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
