I haven't been this sober since birth.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
