get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
