im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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