i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
