yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize