my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
