I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
