is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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