Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
