we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Randomize
