So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
