the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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