You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
