she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
