the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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