he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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