There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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