If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
