ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
