If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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