Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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