I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
