Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
