My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
