god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
You left your underwear on the fireplace
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
