Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
COCAINE IS GR8
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
