I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
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