He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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