I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
