So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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