isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
